Reply to Husband is not supportive of me going back to work.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Okay so I'm going to play devil's advocate here and ask the question that no one seems to have asked yet. And that is did you and your DH actually discuss a plan for childcare before you got pregnant and/or before the baby was born?

Is it possible you agreed to be a SAHM and he was enthusiastic about the value of that (some men still are, some are not) and now he feels disappointed and like you are pulling a bait and switch? It is not really his decision to make for YOUR life, but it does impact the manner in which your shared child is raised (and, as you pointed out, his ability to interact with said child over daily lunches), so maybe he is just really upset about it and you have to give him a hot minute to adjust to the rug being pulled out from under him.

I don't think his not being enthusiastic about this means that he SUCKS any more than you changing your mind about staying at home means that YOU suck. You just aren't seeing eye to eye on this. Of course, your viewpoint has to "win" here for your own sanity (and possibly for the welfare of your child, b/c depression is no joke and that is where you are headed if you don't take care of your own needs) but it doesn't mean he is intstantly going to be thrilled. I think you need to maybe own part of this as yours for making a plan and being unable/unwilling to stick to it. Allow for him to have negative feelings about it. And then acknowledge those feelings and ask how you can help him to overcome how he's feeling and accept the new reality in a more positive way. If you want the best for your child and family, you really do need to meet him halfway.

Others telling you your husband is a jerk is not productive or helpful for your marriage. [/quote]

I actually agree with this. (But I also agree that the husband sounds like he has some emotional/communication issues.) It kind of sounds to me like OP made a unilateral decision for their child and just expects him to get on board. If OP is unhappy at home, then of course she should go back to work. But plenty of women are uncomfortable with daycare (like all the people on dcum who prefer nannies over daycare) and I don’t think it’s necessarily bad if OP’s husband is one of those people. Again, the lack of communication here does sound weird, and OP’s husband does sound extremely traditional gender-wise, sothis doesn’t sound totally normal, I agree. Maybe he’d be more comfortable with a nanny?[/quote]

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