Reply to My head and my heart can’t agree on 50/50 custody

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Reply to "My head and my heart can’t agree on 50/50 custody"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I know lots of dads who didn't quit and I find it pretty sexist when people make those broad sweeping generalizations.

I had one friend who divorced sice she said her husband was not involved at all and all he did was play video games. After they divorced he totally changed and has been a very involved dad with 50% custody since. He has a very different perspective than my friend on his lack of involvement during their marriage. [/quote]

What was his perspective on his lack of involvement? 
[/quote]

His perspective was that he didn't feel there was a way for him to be involved.  My friend is very Type A and her ex was far more laid back. She had everything planned, had read every book, had an idea of how everything should be...and so he felt any idea or opinion he had was immediately dismissed because it wasn't as informed as hers. He didn't feel he was seen as an equal parent - more as a mom's sidekick or assistant. My friend had PPD and had a lot of guilt and he felt that anything he did anything, she interpreted that as his way of saying she wasn't a good mother. He said his interactions with the kids seen to just create fights so he withdrew. Then he himself got very depressed and he lost the motivation to keep trying. He was always stressed at home and withdrew and isolated himself. She drank and got mad to cope, he withdrew and played video games to cope.

Once they divorced, he said he felt like a different person, he was able to form his own relationship with the kids, and as that bond grew, he became more and more involved. Within a year of the divorce he wad 50/50 custody and was very involved in everything. The divorce was 12 years ago. The parents are now great friends, both remarried and all hang out together and they have co-parented really well for the last 10 years. They both realized they had been part of the problem and that they were terrible for each other but actually good at raising kids together. [/quote]

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