Reply to DD is trying to hang out with a cool crowd where she is on the margins

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Reply to "DD is trying to hang out with a cool crowd where she is on the margins - how to steer her to others?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here - thanks - to clarify, my DD isn’t happy being on the periphery and is constantly disapointed in these girls and upset that they don’t invite her to things outside of school. She keeps hoping for a deeper level friendship with one or more of these girls and keeps getting the same result.  DD ends up not valuing girls who so treat her well and want to hang out with her because she’s so focused on these other ones.

But wI get it - can’t over do anything but surely there is some  way to help her realize a that a good friendship wouldn’t leave her feeling this way before her self esteem is really crushed. [/quote]

I already responded to you OP.

We get it.  I certainly think you can say to her that friends should not make you feel the way she is currently feeling.  But don't go too hard or she'll just stop talking to you about it.

However, this is part of parenting.  They go through things and don't listen to us, which is incredibly frustrating, and they need to learn it themselves.  Surely you have examples of this from your own teenage years.  [/quote]Dd is 25 and was just home for the weekend from graduate school.  We got to talking about difficult people she works with and she recalled how we told her in middle school that the "friend" she felt was picking on her was just insecure and she didn't have to hang out with her.  She realizes now that that was the case but she couldn't see it in middle school.  OP, listen to your kid when she says she's frustrated.  Let her know you've heard.  Then maybe ask her what she wants to do about it?  I think I should have listened more and given fewer suggestions.  But the kid turned out okay anyway fortunately![/quote]

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