Reply to DD is trying to hang out with a cool crowd where she is on the margins

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Reply to "DD is trying to hang out with a cool crowd where she is on the margins - how to steer her to others?"

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[quote=Anonymous]This is one fortunate young lady to have such a caring, sensitive Mom. You will do what's right for her.
 
For me as I noticed this type of situation in my children's lives I just couldn't stand by and let them suffer and hurt but I also knew that if I pushed I might be the one to hurt them. I tried to help them see their situation by asking questions and letting them come up with solutions. That way they weren't put on the defensive and were able to find their own way to deal with things, probably much better than my solutions would have been. Note I didn't always agree with their solution but I honored their right to try.
 
The thing I kept hoping for is that they would keep me posted, which didn't always happen. Then I was tempted to interfere so I had to develop very good ears and eyes.  That also meant that I had to make a lot of extra effort to at least be "in the wings" as they lived their lives, without becoming a "helicopter Mom". Many times that also meant that our house was the gathering place, which is a great situation. After everyone would leave we would share, mostly I would listen. I especially learned to praise when I had observed some very wise behavior happening.
 
My son narrowed it down quite well as he become a parent. He told his children, "I am not your friend, I am your parent and will do what I believe is best for you. Hopefully, we can become friends as you grow into a man/woman. "
 
I am praying for you to have wisdom and a wonderful relationship with your daughter.[/quote]

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