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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. Thanks everyone. DH is not quitting his job. With the financial support he will be taking two classes a time instead of one. I really do hope this helps him career wise, but he was dead set on doing his last graduate program and now he is unhappy with the results. I think I have grounds to be dubious about this.

DH was unemployed for a period of almost two years when DS was a newborn, and it took him almost another year to get a solid full time job. I drained down most of the savings I had accumulated to support us during this time.

DH's parents have done some charming things with money. They sold his childhood home to his sister in a sweetheart deal right when we were buying our house and did not offer us any support. We ended up using an FHA loan which was ridiculous.

What has been more hurtful is their lack of involvement with DS. I have invited them to every birthday, etc., which they never attend, and my MIL in particular has made minimal effort. I thought we had both agreed that anything that we would receive from them should be kept for DS's benefit, so I am surprised DH went to them for this.

I hope this does benefit DH, but I think my entire situation in my marriage with DH and my in-laws stinks.
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On one hand, you say you aren’t going to accept anything from in-laws because you feel the neglected your son/their grandchild and on the other hand you are bitter the sister got a deal on their house from them while you guys had no help and had to take out a not as favorable loan.  I think it’s more that you  don’t agree with what they are giving your DH money for I.e. if it was 30K for a house down payment versus a degree you aren’t sure your DH needs. In their minds they could feel like they are doing their part to help DH (by investing in his career) as they helped sister with a home.  Anyway, all you can do there is remind yourself that it’s their money, their decision and you will do differently by your kids in terms of what you think is fair when it comes to helping them as adults.

As for lack of involvement with DS, that’s just how they are.  There isn’t a whole lot you can do to change that.  Let your DH manage that relationship including invitations to the birthday parties.  I also don’t get why you are going after your MIl if your FIL is also still alive.  She isn’t your mother and your FIL is just as capable of calling your DH and asking to hear from his grandson, texting, and Skyping as your MIL. Also realize that people have different mindsets about things.  My dad’s side of the family is very much my house is your house just drop in by.  And there are good things and frustrating things to that approach.  My mom’s family  is more reserved on that front and there are pros and cons.

I won’t go into if your DH makes good employment decisions or not because I don’t know.  Whatever is going on there is the true issue.  Somehow you have to figure out how to trust him and not micromanage him while still feeling  you have a partner financially speaking.  His parents giving him money with no strings attached for something  you initially raised as a money issue ...I don’t see the problem.  My DH and I have discussed when his parents have  financially offered something but more so because there may be strings or a component of us having to spend money as well.  Like, parents are planning to go the Hawaii and rent a house where we can stay, but we have to get ourselves there etc.

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