Reply to Husband went to his parents for money without discussing it with me

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You have a communication problem with your husband.
You don't like your in-laws.

Outside of that, you really need to stop mothering your husband. [b] He has a job, he wants to get additional post-graduate training that would help his career including possibly getting a higher income.  You can give your opinion, about how he does it but as an adult he is the one who gets to make the final decision about whether to do it piecemeal as you suggest or do it straight through. [/b] You wanting to teach him a lesson by making him take classes slowly to take it more seriously and be proactive about career advances was mothering.  Save that for your children, not your spouse.

You gave your opinion that he should take a class or two at a time and pursue tuition remission through his employer.  He heard you and decided he didn't want to do that, so he asked his parents for financial assistance to go through with his own plans.  Unless you are responsible for paying them back, not your decision to veto or give him grief about this choice.

So, you need to work on improving your communication with your husband about when he tells you about actions he's taking and decisions he's making, not about whether you get a voice in those decisions.  This is like him giving an opinion on whether you should have an epidural or whether you choose to breastfeed or not.  His career, his training, not your decision.  You provide your input and he can take that into account when making his decision, but not your decision.

You also need to find a way to keep your animosity towards his parents out of your relationship.  You can choose to cut them out of your life, but you can't cut them out of his.  Only he can do that.  [/quote]

I agree with the general principal you're going for here but it doesn't apply here. One parent deciding to become a full time student has massive impacts on the household. Is he keeping his job and therefore income during this time? If he is keeping his job is OP going to be doing basically all childcare and home management while he is in school? If he's not keeping his job who is paying the bills? If DH's parents are paying the bills that creates (IMO) an obligation from OP to MIL/FIL, something I personally would be very upset by in my situation.

This is not a decision where he is just figuring out his life. This is a financial and time intensive decision that will have ripple effects across the whole family, probably for many years. And the other parent and partner in the marriage should be a decision maker in that type of decision.[/quote]

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