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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It seems to me that the responses from folks regarding this issue and how to deal with this (sad) issue lands in one (or more?) of these buckets:

1) look for it elsewhere (AP).  This further branches out - some just do it to maintain their sanity and stay committed to the marriage and some do it, develop an emotional attachment to the AP and end up leaving the marriage
2) Masturbation
3) Don't do anything about it and are able to suppress any desire or urge

Is that pretty much the list?

[b]What do you think the % breakdown is? [/b]

Some personal reflections on how you deal with it would be appreciated (and how long have you been dealing with it)?[/quote]

For men, my guess is 80%+ end up cheating.

We aren't sexless but 1x (sometimes 2x) per month of duty sex if I push for it (yes, I am DH).  I chose option 1 in my 30s.  Here's the thing, APs are super complicated.  It's amazing in the moment of course.  My experience, most women aren't having affairs primarily for sex.  Their husbands treat them poorly.  The form an emotional bond with their AP and the sex flows from that.  As a man, you end up hurting your AP because you can't give her what she wants, and potentially hurting your DW and family if you get caught.

My libido has slowed in my 40s and this low sex marriage sucks but is somewhat tolerable.   It doesn't feel like a prison since I can find an AP if I want one.  I assume my libido will continue to slow and we can ride off into old age together when neither of us wants it.
[/quote]
It would be much easier for you to line up and maintain APs if you simply informed DW the marriage is open. A low-interest wife has no legit grounds to object.[/quote]

Why don’t you man up and divorce first.

Why sneak around, cheat, and shaft your family? So funny how men dont have time or mindshare for their families yet run around scheming and entertaining marital affairs.  Just get divorced, you’re a cheater, stop rationalizing, it’s clear you don’t want to work on your marriage or role as a husband or father, get divorced.  You file, be a man.  [/quote]
For the same reasons that DW chooses to remain married to a man she has lost all desire for, the man might also want to remain in this stable room mate situation. But most men can't live without sex, hence the declaration of open marriage means at least it is not cheating. If she wants to "man up" and get the divorce over that, let her do so.[/quote]

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