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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It seems to me that the responses from folks regarding this issue and how to deal with this (sad) issue lands in one (or more?) of these buckets:

1) look for it elsewhere (AP).  This further branches out - some just do it to maintain their sanity and stay committed to the marriage and some do it, develop an emotional attachment to the AP and end up leaving the marriage
2) Masturbation
3) Don't do anything about it and are able to suppress any desire or urge

Is that pretty much the list?

[b]What do you think the % breakdown is? [/b]

Some personal reflections on how you deal with it would be appreciated (and how long have you been dealing with it)?[/quote]

For men, my guess is 80%+ end up cheating.

We aren't sexless but 1x (sometimes 2x) per month of duty sex if I push for it (yes, I am DH).  I chose option 1 in my 30s.  Here's the thing, APs are super complicated.  It's amazing in the moment of course.  My experience, most women aren't having affairs primarily for sex.  Their husbands treat them poorly.  The form an emotional bond with their AP and the sex flows from that.  As a man, you end up hurting your AP because you can't give her what she wants, and potentially hurting your DW and family if you get caught.

My libido has slowed in my 40s and this low sex marriage sucks but is somewhat tolerable.   It doesn't feel like a prison since I can find an AP if I want one.  I assume my libido will continue to slow and we can ride off into old age together when neither of us wants it.
[/quote]
It would be much easier for you to line up and maintain APs if you simply informed DW the marriage is open. A low-interest wife has no legit grounds to object.[/quote]

[b]I know you post this all the time, and sure it feel good and perhaps justified in stating that.[/b]  I am sure you are a DH who has been burned by an asexual marriage, and I feel your pain.

But it is a really dumb idea in real life.  I have a wife and kids that depend on me.  My wife and I have had the "sex talk" ad nauseum, and it get slightly better then relapses to infrequency.  She has told me in no uncertain terms that she doesn't want to know if I cheat.  Basically, we are to real people who generally get a long, parent well together, at one time had a great sex life and rely on each other for all of life's travails.

I have zero desire to hurt her, let alone rub her face in it.  Telling her the marriage is open accomplishes nothing.[/quote]

Dude. Yes. You must just LIVE on this website...do you have a job? [/quote]

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