Reply to Husband’s female coworker bought him a bottle of scotch, she won’t talk to me

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Reply to "Husband’s female coworker bought him a bottle of scotch, she won’t talk to me"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Ok help me understand the situation. My husband works with about ten others at his level including the only female. They do not see each other daily but numerous times throughout the week at meetings and events. She is fairly new to the group as of this summer and she just gave my husband an expensive bottle of scotch because he was having a hard day / week for his first time with his employees. Most of the other men have a harder time and she has never sent them anything nor does she seem to have that friendship with them.

Since she is new and never married or without kids I thought I would invite her to hang with us for a weekend event. She barely answered me and won’t speak to me really at all. She will however spend the most time at events with my husband. Sometimes she is the only one in attendance with him to elective events. am not upset at this but just thought i would try and be nice and include her. Honestly no big deal, but now I am starting to wonder about the scotch thing.

Do I need to read more into it or is this a no big deal and fairly common practice to do in the corporate world? 
[/quote]

Curious to know which industry this is in. Is it sales? Commercial real estate? Technology? Public Facing? Legal? Local? MNC? Corporations are in all industries, and the workplace cultures of the norm can greatly vary by industry. It is hard to give a 100% objective consideration to all facets of possibilities of this (assumingly young and junior) woman entering into a professional circle with 9 other males. If there is a culture of leadership, competition, interpersonal relationships, etc. that comes into play too. One client based overseas may gift a $200 oz of parfum oil to all team members, while a different client working in public administration may not be able to pay a dime toward your $5 subway footlong. Context matters here when asking questions about culture and norms.

That said, I would definitely keep my antennae tuned, without crossing boundaries in my function as a wife and professional, and my husband's function as a husband and professional. I agree that this woman's behavior is alarming, if not for naivete, then for the potential negative implications whether intentional or consequential by no fault of her own doing. Is she a subordinate, or in any type of administrative support role? That your DH shared it with you is good too. I think you are taking the right approach, from what you did by not getting upset in any way (so refreshing to see!), and offering an opportunity to meet each other by inviting her when your DH shared what happened (assuming it is not out of the norm for you to do that in his workplace).

And, add me to the count of readers that liked the thank you note from the first poster in this thread. I suspect this woman likes your husband OP, and also agree with the male poster who called the behavior as excessive in nature at first look. Again, there are a lot of unknowns, so I would try to learn as much as you can about the situation before reacting further. [/quote]

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