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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm actually kind of surprised by the responses. I thought I'd be told I was overreacting. Thanks the the perspective. It's a wake up call. [/quote]

I am a woman...I Think you’re overreacting. So he texts somebody he used to know in high school? Who cares?  I don’t care who my husband talks to or who he texts. I don’t ask him. He doesn’t ask me.  I actually am a private person and anybody who is checking up on me about who I was calling or who I was texting  would be looking at the end of our relationship. I do not like the idea that romantic partners can spy or ask questions or can demand to know everything about the person they are with. It’s invasive, it’s non-trusting, and controlling.[/quote]

OP's DH has already shown that he can't be trusted. And you sound like an exception - most people in healthy marriages do not consider it normal for their spouse to have relationships with people that they aren't allowed to know about.[/quote]

I am the person who posted above.  I don’t think is normal are people asking another person who your texting we are phoning blah blah blah.  I’m texting my mom my brother my cousin my coworker my friend if I had to be asked every time I was texting somebody or phoning somebody I would go crazy.  My husband was always asking who I talk to who I didn’t talk to I will I just couldn’t stay in a relationship I think that’s crazy.  So there wouldn’t be enough questions in our relationship to know whether not we’re talking to somebody secretly or not but I wouldn’t ask anyway because it is none of my damn business he’s an individual person and so am I. In almost 10 years of marriage I have never asked my husband one question about who he has texted or who he has called and he has not asked me and if the questions ever started, I would be out. That kind of behavior to me is completely controlling. [/quote]

You really think it's none of your business if your husband is secretly texting with another woman you don't know several times a day/night? I think that's unusual.[/quote]

+1  It's definitely unusual.[/quote]

People really are not getting what I am saying. I would not know who my husband is talking with or texting because I trust him and don't ask. He does not ask me. I assume he is talking to someone he should be talking to. If we has talking to someone from high school, I would not care. I would never know who exactly because we do not question each other and trust each other. I think when people start constantly asking who you are talking to or texting or emailing or looking at phones or computers it is really controlling, shows a lack of trust and starts eroding the relationship. We don't ask questions like this or keep tabs on each other. If a man ever did that to me, I would be out. He is not my father. Trust me or don't. Questioning behavior does not work for me. [/quote]

I understand what you are talking about. I am this way. I do not ask my wife anything about who she is talking to or texting because I trust her. She on the other hand, is like the other posters on here and asks me all the time who I am texting, calling, etc... It is EXHAUSTING and we are working on it. It IS controlling and it is about insecurity and a lack of trust (and before anyone asks - NO, I never had an affair or anything else that would make her not trust me)...

Regardless, this idea of, well, we're married so I have a right to know everything about everything and that justifies me demanding to see your phone and go through your stuff and constantly ask about every text, phone call, and e-mail is bullshit. It's just an excuse to make your insecurities and lack of trust your spouses problem.[/quote]

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