Reply to How do moms with "big careers" successfully find a balance between kid stuff and self care?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm going to be 100% honest and say maybe what others aren't saying: my kids didn't give one care if dad was there for the event.

All the pressure fell on me because *I* was the one they wanted there the most.  Is DH a bad dad?  No.  Was he a disinterested dad or absent dad?  No.  But when an event was announced, they were excited to have mom there and dad was just an afterthought.  Kind of like, mom HAS to be there and oh, of course dad will be there.

This went for school plays, field trips, and sports practices/games as well.  Were they happy when DH was there?  Sure.  But did they cry and lay on the guilt trip if he couldn't make it?  No.  "That's okay, you can see the video!"  But if I was even late to something, OMG, it was like the end of the world with them!  And the guilt!

It definitely wasn't one of those situations where they wanted me there for the artsy stuff and DH there for the sports stuff.  I'm the least athletic person and know next to zero about sports (I still just cheer when the parents around me cheer).  It was just about wanting their mom there to see them do ____.

And the weird thing is, I remember being the same way.  Meh if my dad came, but I felt like the biggest loser among my friends if I was one of the few there without a mom present.         [/quote]

Kids learn behaviors and expectations.  It's not innate.  your kids feel this way because probably from a very very young age, you were the one going to the "mommy and me" classes, the 2-year old gymnastic/dance/sport whatchamacallit things, the gymboree classes.  Whatever it was, my guess is that YOU were the one that did those things while your kids were really young.  You thought it didn't matter, but what it did was set up the expectation that you are the default parent that attends these things and Dad is a bonus if he comes. [/quote]

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