Reply to Is joint custody a fait accompli? [MD]

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm 15:20 and I really think a therapist is a good idea. There's a lot of 'up' emotion in your responses and all of your thoughts and feelings are 100% valid, and I can't imagine the trauma you've been through, but the jugdes/lawyers/courts won't respond well to the state you're in now.

You need perspective and as shitty as it is to have lived the nightmare of abuse you need to be calm and less reactive. Surviving abuse has made it this way but it won't help in court. It takes a ton of work in therapy but is worth volumes for yourself personally and your situation too. Take care.[/quote]

OP here, and thank you for the kind words. I know I need therapy, I WANT it, logistics and $ is my problem. My husband needs to go to AA, as many nights as possible. He has a therapist (finally!) but that’s another night he’s gone. Therapy is $150/.hour + if you can’t get it covered by insurance.  And then mommy needs therapy, boom, $15-$20/hour for a babysitter.  I don’t disagree, but I’ve been here before. We can’t do it all, so we prioritize the one who needs it most. I have to just make do, which has never done me any favors.[/quote]

Okay well there may be free resources for victims of domestic violence. Please trust me that it will be worth the time. You need to get through this, but you also need to come out sane. Also you cannot control your husbands recovery. He needs to make his own choices. Being 'supportive' is something I did for a longtime too. But it was expensive for me in more ways than just financially. Your husband has been this way for a long time and it is unlikely he will change. You need to focus on you and what's best for your kids, which is largely you being as emotionally healthy a possible, and let go of what he may or may not need to do. It is extremely unlikely he will change in any significant way, and the back and forth of small positive changes to big backslides is exhausting. Let go. Even if you stay with him awhile longer, let go of any 'plans' for him. Focus on you and what you can do to better your life for yourself. He is an adult. He needs to take care of himself. At this stage you need to focus more on your recovery and building a better future.[/quote]

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