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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Married, kids, husband wasn't happy because I didn't give him enough attention when the kids were little. He cheated. I changed/fixed absolutely everything. He acknowledged my changes, was remorseful, and things were better than they were at the beginning. I thought it was our second chance. Just recently found out he is now with someone else (and apparently was cheating with her during our "good period"). He definitely wants a divorce.

My story is not unusual. I just can't get past my pain. How do I do this? Why can't I see that him cheating is not a reflection on me? Why am I still trying to so hard to save this if I'm the only one? Part of my problem is that I hate change, crave familiarity, and truly, truly loved him. It's not just an "I can't find someone else" thing. It's that I want HIM, even though it makes no sense.

Any advice from BTDT people?[/quote]

OP, slightly different situation. My ex also felt that he wasn't getting enough attention when our child was young. He was not able to see the things that he was doing that contributed to our terrible marriage. He made many agreements with me about how things would change but did not follow through on those changes. At the end of the day, all he seemed to care about was how often I had sex with him. I left him.

It has been 7 years since we divorced, and in those 7 years, he has shown me who he truly is as a person. He is a selfish individual who is not willing to compromise his own preferences and comfort for anyone, ever. There were times early in the divorce when I mourned the life that I wanted to build with him. As time went on and he demonstrated more and more what a selfish person he is, he stopped seeming familiar to me at all. At this point, he feels like a stranger that I happen to have a child with - a stranger who, if given the option today, I wouldn't even accept a second date with.

Right now, you look at him and see the person you married. I am here to tell you that he is not that person, if he ever was. He is someone else. The sooner you are able to see who he truly is, the sooner you will be able to move on.[/quote]

NP :  my experience as well.  It’s difficult to see this now OP but you will with time.  You took the high road now it’s time to let go of the illusion and move on. Life is too short!

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