Reply to My boyfriend is 26 and lives with his parents, doesn't work, and never pays for things

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Reply to "My boyfriend is 26 and lives with his parents, doesn't work, and never pays for things"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP...why are you short-selling yourself?

The beauty in choosing to be in a relationship with someone is that you don't have to choose between a guy who is sweet and kind OR a guy who is a successful, driven, and self-motivated, independent adult. At 26, a boyfriend can (and should) be BOTH.

And you deserve that.

It doesn't mean this guy isn't just as nice or sweet as you say he is. But he comes up short in too many areas to overlook. Love yourself enough to move on, OP.[/quote]
All the guys I dated before him treated me like shit, used me for sex, left me, hurt me, made me feel like I'm nothing.

This guy treats me like a goddess. He doesn't have money, but he makes me feel loved, special, and freaking amazing.

But yes, there are all these other issues. I'm hoping things will change. I don't like his parents very much. There is a lot of abuse within their family and I have to be there for my boyfriend a lot and hear about awful things his parents did to him as a kid. But he is still living with them and it drives me crazy. I don't want to let him move in with me yet because I'm afraid I will end up supporting him. I hope he will get his act together, but there is the issue of not having a license. And he drives around unlicensed when I am not there. I feel like screaming at him about this, but his dad says it's okay which makes me feel like it's not my place to say anything.[/quote]

Things will not change. They will only get worse. When someone shows you who they are, believe them. Actions speak louder than words. 
I have never heard someone in real life or in the relationships forums say
[b]“I thought my husband’s family was abusive, dysfunctional, etc. but once I got to know them, they weren’t that bad” Never happens. That’s why so many people on here are asking how to keep their kids away from abusive grandparents and there are so many posts in expectant moms about keeping babies away from smoke.

No one has ever said “my husband was a real lazy bum when we were dating, but now he makes $100k, grocery shops and gives the kids a bath every night” Never happens[/b]. [/quote]

Omg. Reading that is so weird because I have had exactly these conversations with my boyfriend -- I've told him I wouldn't want our kids (if we have them) around his parents for these reasons. I already worry what I would do with a baby with grandparents who chain smoke IN THE HOUSE. At one point his dad ashed on the floor in one of the rooms INSIDE their house. It was disgusting.

His parents kind of suck to be honest. And I don't want them as my in laws. But he is sweet and I feel like he deserves happiness. He's told me he will get a job and eventually he will take care of me, but I am starting to doubt it. We've been together three years and in that time he has made HUGE PROMISES that never happen. He says he'll be a millionaire one day and blah blah and sometimes I tell him what an idiot he sounds like. I feel mean for that but it drives me up the wall.[/quote]

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