Reply to Walk me through the logistics of setting up your new life if you divorced while your kid was a baby.

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[quote=Anonymous]My husband left literally out of the blue when my daughter was 9 months old. She’s almost three now and I think we’re doing ok, not great, but ok. My ExH was never an involved father so I can’t speak to custody schedules or coparenting issues. A few pieces of advice that I hope are useful:

1) If your kid isn’t sleeping through the night, wait until he/she is before doing anything. Single parenting got remarkably easier when I had a full night’s rest. Not to say that it’s a walk in the park now, but it was incredibly rough when my daughter was still waking up to eat at 3 am.

2) Downsize ASAP. I was totally unprepared for my ExH’s departure and it took me awhile to realize he was serious about not moving back or helping with our mortgage. Even after I accepted that reality, I still attempted to hang onto a house I couldn’t afford and incurred a mountain of debt. In hindsight, I wish I would have put it up for sale immediately.

3) I think people are giving you an unnecessarily hard time about your question about getting ready for work with the baby. (I actually asked myself the same thing after my ex left. My DD was incredibly fussy at that age and not one of those kids who could entertain themselves in the pack and play for any real length of time. Of course, the answer is you wake up earlier than the baby, even if that means you’re up at 5 am.) What you’re really asking is how will I continue to do all of the regular, mundane things on my own. The sooner you recognize that everything in your life is going to change if you go through with the separation/divorce, the better.  You won’t be able to keep the same routines you had as a married couple and you’ll have to come up with new routines that are maybe more of an inconvenience.

4) No advice on the dating front - just my commentary. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to be thinking about dating in the future, especially if you think you’ll have some nights off. I think you have to consider all aspects of what your life could be like if you divorce. While I have largely made peace with the parenting alone aspect of my life, I still struggle with the idea of being alone romantically.

5) Learn to not just accept help but ask for it when needed. You will need help at some point and assuming you aren’t an awful person, your friends and family will probably be happy  to help but they aren’t mind readers.

Good luck OP. I strongly recommend counseling but if you do move forward with divorce know that plenty of other single moms are making it work and so can you. [/quote]

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