Reply to Walk me through the logistics of setting up your new life if you divorced while your kid was a baby.

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Reply to "Walk me through the logistics of setting up your new life if you divorced while your kid was a baby."

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, if you and your husband spend enough time together where you can't figure out how to get ready in the morning solo, then you guys are doing ok. I am truly wondering what the problems are in your marriage. If you like where you live, why not spend time enjoying your baby? You can take her just about anywhere and show her things while holding hands. Now if he or you *won't* do this, that might be something to think about. For you, I'd put the kid in full time daycare and either work full time or use the extra hours of daycare to do things for you. To me working part-time and part-time childcare is the worst of both worlds.
You mention in your op that he grew up in a house where fighting was common. You say that fighting is normal to him. Are you sure that the lack of fighting isn't just as unhealthy? I have a friend who grew up in such a house, and her views on marriage are all dorked up. She thinks couples can compromise on anything and that if you love someone that's all that matters. She's unmarried. You guys may want to spend some time with each set of parents and just observe and listen. Listen to their stories, I've found those start to flow once you have children. Watch how they interact and learn from each set. Your model isn't any more correct than his, unless of course one of you grew up in an abusive home. Note, I wouldn't replicate what the long poster does. It sounds like a recipe for heartbreak. If she likes her ex enough to do family trips and share a banking account, she will be truly devastated when he finds a woman who says "This shit has to end". It looks fine on paper, but lots of things do. In that vein, think about how you'd feel if you and your ex divorced, and you saw him being all sweet to your kid with his new girlfriend doing all the things you dreamed of doing. Families aren't projects you can complete.     
  
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As the long poster above, I feel the need to clarify that I wasn't in love with Ex-DH when we married, we were a couple who were better as good friends. I liked him enough to not want to break up with him and we functioned well enough that I saw no point in calling off a wedding due to the lack of 'chemistry', but I didn't love him enough to make it satisfying in the long run for either party.  Upon divorce, we re-verted back to friends but now have a kid together. So the 'heartbreak' over losing something (that love, passion, etc) was not a factor in our divorce, but i recognize that's a rare case.[b] Most people are smart enough to not get married to someone that they just recognize as settling for stability before the wedding[/b].[/quote]

Others are smart enough to realize that marriage isn’t supposed to be a romcom and that divorce with kids is crazy and a PIA unless you’re 100 percent miserable.  [/quote]

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