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[quote=Anonymous]OP here and wow, I missed a lot here.  I wasn't trying to vilify my MIL, just trying to figure out what she meant.  But I realize now it's impossible for strangers to know, without all of the context and knowing how she is, when even her own family doesn't know what she means.

I'm ignoring what she said and leaving it to my DH. I know that sounds cold or weird to some of you, but it doesn't sound weird once you know that my MIL hardly ever means anything she says.  It took me many years of tears trying to figure out what she meant, trying not to make her cry again, and thinking my DH was being cold and unfeeling by telling me that I just needed to ignore everything she says.  She's not a bad person, she can be very kind, thoughtful, generous, but the freaky thing is that she is not conscious of what she is doing or saying the majority of the time.  She will also not remember anything she has said in the past.  And she does not realize when she she contradicts herself.  And sometimes she does things that seem kind of spiteful or petty - but she has no idea why she's doing it- she is not doing it consciously.

I've learned to put up some boundaries and keep an emotional distance after a lot of anguish, and we are both better off for it.  I can appreciate her as a MIL who loves her grandchildren, and I do make an effort to have them see the kids throughout the year.[/quote]

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