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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op.  Yes, I have a great relationship with my sister.  She can be insensitive but mostly also vents about our parents.

I spoke with DH about getting some more space (not cutting off but not inviting to vacations and family events anymore and putting myself out there).  He's very against it and makes good points -- family is family, they are our kids' grandparents, and he's brushing them off so I shouldn't be hypertensive.  He also pointed out that it's been like this for years, which is true. I wish he was more supportive of my feelings but I also think my feelings cannot trump his feelings.  If he's fine with it, then I'm being silly.  I just wish it didn't hurt. I feel ridiculous.[/quote]

No, just because he's fine with it doesn't mean you're being silly.

Does your husband make plans with your parents?  I'm guessing not.  So you don't need his permission to back off from your own parents.  Stop inviting them on vacations.  It's not like he's going to invite them for you.  Invite them only to major family events, and then don't expect them to attend.  Contact them less frequently--whatever feels okay to you--and lower your expectations.  You know how they behave.  Expect them to behave that way.  Don't get your hopes up that they will change, because they won't.  You don't have to make an announcement, and you don't have to get anyone's permission, you just have to cut back how much contact you have with them, how much time you spend with them, and how much emotional energy you invest in them.  [/quote]

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