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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Try to imagine what it was like for them to watch ALL the "other siblings" have kids in the past two years while that's what they desperately wanted and could not have.  Just sit for a minute and try.

For the first baby, they could probably manage.  But then the next one came, and they were still in the same spot.  And then another.  Same spot.  Then another, same spot.  And all these relatives were inviting them to baby showers and baptisms/bris events and then giving them side eye for not coming.

You know why I skipped one of my dearest friend's baby shower?  I couldn't do it.  Another of our friends was going to be there too, hugely pregnant.  I was on year 3 of NOT being able to get pregnant.  I wanted it so badly and I felt so awful DAILY that I couldn't make it happen.  I could not sit there and coo over baby stuff.  I'd done it just a month earlier for another friend, and it almost broke me.  I was surrounded by pregnant friends at every turn (all early 30s married women).

The worst part?  I hated myself for it.  I felt weak and humiliated that I just could not fake it anymore.  I felt sad and desperate and irrational and bitter.  The only thing worse than FEELING that way was everyone else KNOWING I felt that way.  I hated that I had a hard time just being happy for my friends.  I wanted them to be happy!  I was just so so sad for me.

My advice: love their new kid like crazy, do your best to facilitate the cousin relationship, and DROP the slights or whatever else.  If you are close enough you can say "I'm sorry for what you've gone through, that must have been hard".  
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Thank you for sharing this pp.  You captured so well the anguish that can be experienced.  I hope OP can read this and be empathetic w/ how her SIL might have felt.  Hugs to you.[/quote]

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