Reply to Help me navigate this type of argument or response with my DH

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
[b]Use "I" or "we" language.[/b] In the lights example, "hey, I noticed our electric bill was really high. I think we're not being very careful abot turning them off. Let's try to do that, ok?"

Second, when he deflects, dont fight back. "Can you not leave your dirty socks on the kitchen table?" "Well, you leave your dirty underwear on the floor of the bathroom!" "yikes, you're right I do, and its gross. Okay, can we both work on this?"

Him "You're spending too much money" You: "oh, alright? Should we go over our budget? Was there a particular charge that is concerning?" [in other words, answer him the way you want to be answered when you complain--perhaps it will change the tone.].

you: "it really bothers me the way you joke about me to your family." Him "well, you cut me off." You: okay it sounds like we need to work on our communication. I'm wondering, though, what's behind makig those jokes? can we talk about it?"

as for all the annoying shit: I finally gave up, decided it was easier to do it myself or not see it. Its annoying and grating, but after multiple times of asking nicely to please close the shower curtain after you use it (not leave it bunched up), please close cabinets you open, pleaese turn off lights, please dont leave socks on the dining room table, etc, etc. that it will never get anywhere, so the only thing I can change is my response. [/quote]

I came here to say this. It just goes over a lot better. When you say things like "can you clean up your dishes/turn off the lights/spend less", it makes it sound like you are in charge of every decision. Obviously it makes sense to do all of those things but your husband is an adult, and  technically he can leave his dishes wherever, leave every light on, and spend as much as he wants. It's not solely up to you to make the rules. [/quote]

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