Reply to Help me navigate this type of argument or response with my DH

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[quote=Anonymous]I would echo a lot of the advice given here.  
-Choose the important things, it can’t be everything.
- Phrasing things as “why can’t you or you need to” will put the other person on the defensive and often won’t lead to the desired outcome.  It does come off how a parent would speak to a child. 
-If there is a problem, leave the solution open ended.  For example with the lights, maybe the answer is to install light sensors so it goes off automatically, maybe you get one of the home systems so you can turn them off from your phone.  I know these are made up examples but in real life I am extremely forgetful.  Of all the things I have to remember, honestly the light are the least of my worries.  If this was a make or break expense, we would need to look into a more automated way to control this or change things around so this was the only thing I had to remember.  
-Agreed with PP that you don’t need to start out the conversation accepting all of the world’s faults to prove you aren’t perfect.  As a pp pointed out someone that’s unaware will just think gee you have lots of issues, not that you are saying this for them to also accept fault 
-Last thing I will say for the dynamic is that there is a certain immaturity to the exchange on both sides.  There may be a point where you have to discuss how you communicate with each other - not telling the person what to do, but how you feel when you hear x.  I have had to be upfront with DH if I feel he is overcritical and he has had to be straightforward if he feels I phrased something to him as I would the kids.  In the moment there is an ouch feeling but it’s been important that we are both concious of how we communicate with each other and that we articulate what is upsetting us rather than lash out in anger or silent treatment or ignoring it until it’s a big issue and there is resentment etc.  It didn’t come naturally and took work.[/quote]

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