Reply to Help me navigate this type of argument or response with my DH

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I hate to use an over-used term, but my DH does this as a way of gaslighting me.  Whenever I bring up a really serious issue he turns it around on me, and refuses to discuss what I brought up. It's super infuriating because I KNOW that I have my own role and my own issues. But, they are very different from DHs.  I'll bring up something specific about DH and he'll attempt to completely deflect by claiming I do the same thing (which I don't.) I call him out on it, but we still don't have anything approaching a productive conversation.  [/quote]

Exact same thing here. I only bring things up now that are truly important to me. I don't bring up anything about the house or money, only his health. He had a heart attack in his 30's, has diabetes and continues to eat whatever he wants and not exercise. If I bring up that I'm worried about him and hope that he wants to be healthy for the sake of our family and seeing our kids grow up, he turns it around on me saying things like "Well, I saw *you* eat a piece of candy the other day!". For one thing, if I did eat a piece of candy it would be rare and even if I did eat *2* pieces of candy I don't have any health issues which would preclude me from eating a piece of candy once in awhile! He deflects so he doesn't have to take responsibility for his own choices. He does this about everything--which is why I don't even bother bringing up the little things anymore. [/quote]

I forgot to mention that then it devolves into a lecture about everything I do wrong, and the tone is what really gets me. [b]It's condescending [/b]and whatever it is he's picking on me about doesn't hold a candle to the fact that he's killing himself and will expect me to pick up the pieces when his health fails. I'm almost at the point where I'm going to tell him that he's welcome to do whatever he wants, but he can do it by himself because I won't be around to be his caretaker since this is something that didn't just happen to him--he makes his own choices every day and if the heart attack won't change his habits then nothing will. [/quote]

He's condescending? You're the one treating him like a child by telling him what he should and shouldn't eat. He's an adult and has made his choice that he prefers food over his health. Now you make your choice. But spending what remains of your time with him nagging constantly isn't a great life for anyone. [/quote]

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