Reply to Regret about waiting too long

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have the opposite problem. I started at 28 and had my third at 34. My career however has suffered and at 35 I still don’t have a good job (I have a PhD)... I am sad and disappointed. Grateful about my kids of course, but my bosses now are my age or even younger.

I am sorry this is happening to you OP, but at this day and age having kids young may not always work out for the best either[/quote]

How is this post supposed to help OP?

OP, you can’t possibly have predicted this. Don’t be so hard on yourself. There is no way of knowing if IVF would have worked. Have you consulted with different RE for a second opinion?[/quote]

There are pros and cons to every decision. She might not have the career that she has if she had 3 kids back to back like me. My friends that waited to have an established career before starting to conceive are now in a better place career wise. The grass is always greener...[/quote]

Newsflash, career issues and infertility are not equivalents. You seem to lack empathy.  [/quote]

Why? Because I offered my point of view? They are not equivalent to whom? Maybe some women think their career is more important (especially if they waited to have kids for a career). I made different choices for OP and I wish i had waited a few more years so that I could have both (kids and career). Why do I lack empathy?[/quote]

New poster here. I think you were only trying to offer your perspective and meant well but I agree that they are not equivalent. Yes it is disappointing  to have a job that is not as high up in the ladder as you envisioned yourself being in, particularly if you have always been career oriented.  I have a PhD too so I can relate.

It is another thing however to experience the completely crushing disappointment of having no children when you want one. I think it’s also very demoralizing to not be able to expand your family as you wished but the most horrible thing is to never have the experience of being a mother at all.[/quote]

I took the point of her post to be that there are cost and benefits to everything. I have a PhD and agree that it's crushing to think of not being able to have a child (or more children); however, I also think it's pretty crushing to many women not to have a career, or the career they felt like would realize their own potential. It's just become more socially acceptable for women to admit that career can be a big deal to their sense of self.

OP, on this specifically: "[b]the fact that in 5 years I had zero pregnancies (while getting pregnant on the first try with my son) leads me to believe that I have some kind of sudden, severe reproductive issue that happened right after I gave birth. [/b]"

Somehow you need to release yourself from this linear way of thinking that is causing you so much regret and pain. The idea that if you could just reverse time and redo it is so tempting -- I personally understand that -- but it's simply not true that it would necessarily work out better. We just don't know that it's true. I'm sorry for your pain. I hope that in time you understand the former choices your past self made brought you to who you are, with the life you have now, and that you forgive yourself.[/quote]

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