Reply to Slow fading / Ghosting in long-term relationships

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Slow fading / Ghosting in long-term relationships"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]OP, I totally get it. It's a bit fascinating because my husband of five years did this to me - not the ghosting exactly, but the pulling away and the vague "everything's fine, just stressed" stuff. And even when it finally got to the point where I couldn't take it anymore, he wasn't ready to end it but wasn't committed either. It is EXTREMELY frustrating to be put in that position, and you said it so well - you were not unhappy, this was now what you wanted or considered and you feel pushed into making the decision. And on top of it all, after you make the choice to walk away, they try to push the blame on you. It feels awful. You're already dealing with so much and then this person tries to paint you as the bad guy. I'm still sort of working through that, but it's getting better.

To the people who are asking why you want to know these answers or why you feel this way, let's all remember that feelings aren't rational. You just do.  I know personally I wanted to feel validated with my decision to walk away, because that decision was the hardest choice I've ever made. And to have someone who was previously the most important person in your life cast doubt on it like that, it's difficult. There isn't some manual somewhere that gives you the black and white answer on what you should tolerate in a relationship, so when you're already stuck in this gray area to begin with, it only makes it worse.

I will tell you OP that it will get better. You will make peace with it. You have to tell yourself constantly, as much as you need to, that you don't deserve to be treated that way and that what he is saying just is not true. I still have friends who have only heard "his side" of the story and haven't reached out, and it sucks but you know what? Then they aren't good friends either. The people who matter won't care what he says. The people who matter know that you must have made a choice that was best for you, and that's the end of it. You will start to get more and more confident about your decision because as time passes, you'll miss him less and less. And when you stop missing someone, you start to see things how they really were and you'll know that no matter what his version of events is, you were in the right. Because if what he is saying is true, he wouldn't have let you leave. He would have cut off contact with that woman to show you that he cared. His words and his actions aren't matching up (again, remind yourself of this - it is so, so confusing to sort through all these emotions when someone is telling you that they didn't want to break up but actually, they were SHOWING you that they did.)

All I'm saying is eventually, you won't care. I wish there was a way to get you there faster, but it's just going to take time. He will never admit what you want to hear. It wouldn't make it feel any better anyway. But breaking up sucks, and losing a person you cared about sucks, and there's no way around it, you can only walk through it. Good luck. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics