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[quote=Anonymous]My childhood was similar and I never spoke about it to anyone for years.  My DH knew about, of course, and I thought I had moved past it until my kids were in the 2-5 year old range.  At that point, the enormity and horror of it all nearly crushed me.  My kids were of the age I was when I first remember the abuse. I went to counseling and it was wrenching.  I did about 6 months but never felt like I really got anything out of it and stopped. OTOH, DH and I have had a lot of relationship counseling started before we were even married.  I found that much, much more helpful than individual counseling.

My father killed himself when I was 20 (still the best thing that has EVER happened to me).  If my father were still living, I have no doubt I would have cut off contact a long, long time ago but, I have to say, it's a lot easier that he's dead.  I have a relationship with my mother and she is a much better grandmother than she was a mother.  Before I was 'crushed' by my realization of my childhood, I would have described my relationship with my mother as somewhat close.  I used to think of her as a victim like my siblings and I were.  Now, I can't get past what she allowed to happen.  On the surface, things are good but I am somewhat distanced emotionally.  It's not just because of my childhood but because her behaviors when she remarried (she was married to my father for 23 years and her 2nd husband for 26). Her actions have always demonstrated that my siblings and I were never her top priority.  She would 'do' for others before she ever 'did' for us. Now that she's widowed again (she's 78), she spends a lot more time with us and the kids love her but I've accepted long ago that I deserved a better mother.

I'm now 53, my kids are all teenagers/young adults, and have to say that I think I've really moved beyond my childhood.  I firmly believe that we are conditioned from childhood to love our 'family' whether they deserve it or not.  It's helped that I also believe that when you are an adult, you get to choose your family and build the life you want and deserve.  Let's hope that proves to be true as my kids start to settle down.  They know that it will kill me if they have a relationship with someone who is controlling/abusive.  That would probably throw me back to counseling as I have no coping mechanisms for that.   :( [/quote]

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