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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

In my case, I guess there has been some damage to my confidence, but the main thing is that I don't want charity sex. My wife only seems to enjoy sex when she initiates -- because she has to get in the right head space before she wants sex. I'm sure she'd like me to initiate (forcefully would be my guess) once she's gotten herself in the right frame of mind, but the odds of me guessing correctly at that 20 minute window during any given month are pretty small. So, she has to initiate. That said, if she told me she wanted me to initiate, I'd love to initiate and get an enthusiastic response. [/quote]

I'm the PP who is taking his wife to Santorini next month.  This is my situation as well, although maybe not quite as bad.  I hate charity sex, and sometimes I'll initiate, try to turn her on for 20 minutes (oral, massaging, foreplay, etc) and she'll get frustrated, snap at me that it's not working, that she's broken, and turn over.

We try to flirt and act sexual with each other even when not actively having sex, which I think is important.  So we'll exchange a steamy kiss when we get home, we'll flirt all night, I'll give the kids their bath, read them their story, put both to bed, but she'll be too tired after that.

On weekends, I push for quickies during nap time, but she always wants to get things done / run errands.  I think she's going to have to give on this, as I think you have to get it when you can, especially with a spouse that has a hard time getting / staying in the mood or keeping energy levels up.  My other issue is she constantly talks about how tired she is at night, but then works out at 5:30am constantly.  Further, she claims to hate morning sex...[/quote]

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