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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm jealous of some of you.

38 y/o male, married 15 years, 2 kids ages 6 and 4.  Both my DW and I are fit and attractive.  I probably try to initiate 4x per week, but we wind up having sex 3 times per two weeks.  Sometimes it is twice in a short time span (ie. Thurs and Sat night), but then we'll go 10 days or even 2 weeks without.

It has been a big issue at times in our marriage, and when the kids were smaller we went as long as 2-3 months without at times (and I'm not talking postpartum).  I was very resentful after being turned down sometimes every night for literally weeks on end.

Generally when we have sex it is very high quality, and she is adventurous.  However, with the drop in libido since kids, and the changes in her body from childbirth (she has had some pelvic wall issues), she's had some physical and psychological sexual dysfunction, which has been part of the issue.  Lack of desire, lack of enjoyment during the act, mood swings, inability to orgasm, etc.

Sex in our 20's was great, frequent, and she would orgasm as easily as a guy.

Part of the issue for us is that we both work long hours in high powered jobs (consulting and finance) with lots of stress and business travel, and she gets up early and is generally worn out at night.  The kids also get sick at school and bring it home, getting one of us sick, and my wife won't have sex while either of us are sick.

It used to be when we would go out to parties / concerts / with friends we would always have sex at the end of the night.  Now a late night with alcohol means she is too exhausted when she gets back.  [/quote]

Sounds like you might have some disposable income. Hopefully, you have family that is available and might be willing to watch the kids. If so, plan 3-4 adult only getaways a year. One of them needs to be a week (somewhere tropical in January/Feb tends to have an aphrodisiac-like impact) where you simply relax, recover and enjoy each other. Don't attack her the minute you get there. Get a drink, watch the sunset, dip your toes in the water and go out for a romantic dinner. Don't pack pajamas but, again, relax and maybe fall asleep cuddling. Try to read her in the morning but sometimes before dinner that night, maybe you could see how she reacts to an "innocent touch". Once she relaxes, it will come back and you can enjoy your time. The other trips can be long weekends to easy to get to locations. Once she starts to associate the vacations with relaxing and enjoying each other, she will be initiating as much as you.

For the week away, make sure it's a week where the kids have school every day but minimal after school activity. If you make it easy and enjoyable for the grandparents, they'll be asking you when they can do it again instead of you bugging them.[/quote]

Appreciate the feedback.  This is pretty much what we do.  We take multiple vacations annually, including internationally, and try to do several of them per year without the kids.  Some of the adult only trips are long weekends (NYC, Vegas, Miami) some are week-long vacations (did a week skiing out west earlier this year, went to Spain last year).  I literally, mere minutes ago, booked a week in Santorini next month for the two of us, with business-class air each way (so it should be relaxing).  Both sets of grandparents are retired and love watching the kids.

Sex happens much more often on these trips, and is often very high quality (the best sex since kids has pretty much always been on vacation).  In the past, there were accusations that I only cared about sex when on the trips, but we're past that now.  However, once we return it feels like we fall back into a rut, and she's stressed, exhausted, etc.

I believe sex is like working out.  You have to kind of just do it / power through it until your body gets used to it, then you crave it.  Every time we get in a good place (maybe 3x per week) something will happen to derail it; either a week long work trip for one or the other of us, a sick kid, or just work stress.

A previous poster wrote about the effect a DW constantly rejecting her DH has on his psyche.  This is true.  It leads to resentment, too much reliance on self-pleasure by the guy, building up walls to avoid getting hurt, etc.  Things are much better now than they were just 2 years ago, but it was hard, especially traveling all over the world and being exposed to women who literally threw themselves at me.  I never cheated, or even so much as kissed anyone.

Still, I have told her I would like to get back to every 2-3 days reliably, which was pretty much the minimum amount of sex we had in our 20's.  [/quote]

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