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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

DH and I went through a phase of about three years, give or take, of no sex. I've initiated to no effect at all.  It turned out that he had MS (which is since under control), and also a long-term affair (which I didn't know about).  The way I dealt was by disengaging from him at that level.  What I mean by this is I have arrived at the point where I see him as a completely separate, autonomous person who owes me no sexual favors. If he doesn't want sex with me, he's entitled to it. I can't pressure him to have sex with me, and won't. But - this is very important - his opinion of me as a sexual (or not) being has no effect on how I feel about myself.  My self-esteem, well being and sexuality are not at all dependent on what he thinks, says or does.  If I'm sexy, I'm sexy, his opinion doesn't change that. When he began to be interested in me sexually again, it similarly did not change the way I feel about myself. My soul is not crushed because no man has this power. I exist separately from my reflection in his eyes. [/quote]

That is nothing but you trying to cope with him cheating. I guess you wanted to stay married, maybe he earns a lot of money, maybe you are willing to forgive him. Actually all your rationalizing is extremely sad. You are emotionally abused person, who is pretending she is not.[/quote]

I felt this way before his cheating came to light.  Life is not as simple as you think, and you don't understand it half as much as you think you do.  [/quote]

+1 from a BTDT NP. [/quote]

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