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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You probably scared her off with the 3-4 kids wish.[/quote]

This is what I think. My partner and I are on basically the same page with the idea of two, maybe backtracking to one if that seems like all we can handle. If he sprung the idea on me that he wouldn't feel a family was complete without three to four and was pretty adamant about it, I would be really freaked out and might walk. As the PP said, that's basically back to back pregnancies in my 30s and a very, very high chance my career would take a major hit I would not be comfortable with.  Luckily, he is one of five and doesn't idealize larger families at ALL, so that's unlikely. But I can totally see why she would start towing the "maybe none" thing if she thinks your fixed on a higher number. [/quote]

Have you explored more about what she means by sacrifice?  As other posters have said, I would be worried about having 3-4 pregnancies.  I was nervous about my first pregnancy because it seemed all my co-workers were having serious complications, pre-eclampsia, another had the baby at 25 weeks (and thankfully the baby survived), another had early contractions and they had to do something at the hospital to prevent pre-term labor.  I don’t think there is anything a man goes thru that compares to this.  Although modern medicine is exponentially better today than it was 100 years ago, there is still risk to bring a new life into the world. I couldn’t imagine 3-4 back to back pregnancies in my 30’s.

Then what does it look like with 3-4 kids?  Is she going to SAH?  Would you?  How does that shift the marriage dynamic?  Can you afford help and to outsource?  If your kids are in daycare, what happens when they call because your child has a fever every time she is teething so per policy a fever means she has to be picked up?  What do you do when kids are older and they have to be 3 different places at once?  I’m not saying it can’t be done but folks I know with 3 kids and both parents work full-time, they typically have an au pair or nanny, family that helps, mom or dad stayed at home for a few years when they were younger, they have flexible jobs where they work from home, there is a big age gap somewhere like the kindergartener has a sibling in 6th grade or its some combination of these things.  I think past two kids you need to have an intentional plan on how your lifestyle can accommodate it and still stay sane and with your marriage in tact.[/quote]

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