Reply to weigh in on dad's friend/teen drama at family gathering

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The friend was an insensitive jerk, and the father was wrong for not defending his daughter against his own friend's ruse comments. However, I do think it was reasonable for the father to have told off the daughter for snapping. That wouldn't fly in our house either: we have high standards for how our children are expected to interact with adults, in a way she was a host or at age 16 at least sort of a representative of her parents who were the hosts of this guest, and byou that age she should have or be really working on developing the social skills to show grace under fire in such situations. [/quote]

I think she did handle it with grace by telling the friend he was insensitive.

No reason why if friend acts like a jackass a 16 year old can’t call him on it. It’s one thing to be respectful to adults, it’s another thing to teach your kids to just take it when they get treated like crap.  Speaking up was allowable in this situation, IMHO. [/quote]

Speaking up is allowable but at least in OP's telling, the way she said it was rude. She should have said "excuse me Mr. X, I don't care to discuss my dating life" or "excuse me, but that's my business and I'm not interested in discussing it." Still assertive, maybe even more so, but more socially correct on the surface.

That said, she's 16. If a parent's friend had asked me anything inappropriate about my love life when I was 16, I probably would have mumbled something and then fled to my room and cried.[/quote]

Nope. [b]Girls need to learn to speak like boys - fewer words, more punch.[/b] Don't perpetuate conventions that keep women down.
[/quote]

I agree with the PP who posted the more appropriate alternatives. Setting boundaries for what you, personally, are willing to do or discuss is a good thing. However, it really isn't appropriate for a teenage child to be basically chastising or passing judgment on any non-dangerous behavior of an adult.

And if "speaking like boys" means being blunt, abrupt, presumptuous, and rude then I think we need to be teaching boys better manners, not teaching girls to live down to poor examples.[/quote]

The adult in question was way out of line.  He deserved a smack down response and she gave it to him.  Telling him that he was being insensitive was a nice way of telling him that he was being an azzhole.  She was blunt w/o being crass.  She handled it well.[/quote]

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