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[quote=Anonymous]I have three grown children, ages 24 - 35. The two older ones (sons) are married with wonderful wives and children. I think all three of my grown children are more mature than I am! And I give credit to their wives for some of that. (For instance, I was never a tidy or organized person and the kids' rooms were pretty messy when they were growing up (and for at least one of them throughout college), but now they live in very orderly homes and they play a very active role in maintaining that order.) I never taught them how to cook, but all three of them are very involved in healthy cooking and eating. I occasionally lost my temper, but I never ever see them losing their tempers; they are remarkably calm. The older two didn't have a lot of friends in middle and high school (though they were on friendly terms with lots of people at school), and we rarely entertained friends, but now they socialize regularly with lots of close friends, near and far. I'm blown away with what great parents they are. In short, I'm sort of amazed at how well they've turned out in spite of some deficiencies in my parenting.

There is only one thing that pains me, and it is that the two older ones are not close at all, and it seems to go back to resentment that the second one has about being bossed around by his older brother in their youth. And I wonder if I should have intervened more, though I did try to call the oldest one out on it whenever I was aware of it. But I think the second one just developed a grudge that he can't get over, and it colors the way he perceives his big brother in adulthood... or else there is still a degree of cluelessness on the part of the older one on how his remarks might come across to his brother (sometimes a bit pushy / intrusive). Maybe they are just two very different people and wouldn't have been close no matter what I did, but I do feel some responsibility for it. The youngest makes it a priority to maintain a close relationship with both brothers.

All three seem very happy in their chosen careers, too, and enjoy a variety of outside interests. They seem to have a healthy work-life balance.

When I think back on parenting choices... I definitely encouraged independence. We never baby-proofed the house. We had one baby gate for the third one due to a tricky floor plan, but I monitored all three and taught them how to navigate stairs safely (on their bellies at first) when they were early toddlers. We never had safety latches or outlet covers. My oldest was using a real hammer and nails at 18 months and preferred to take apart his toys rather than to play with them. He was great with puzzles, Legos, science explorations, designing things, self-taught computer programmer, etc. (He became a mechanical engineer, no surprise.) The second one taught himself to read at three and was quite a bookworm from then on (and is now an educator). I just supported their natural interests.

Oh, here's a story to wrap this up. Do you know that children's book, "Love You Forever"? We enjoyed that book through the years. But never in my wildest dreams did I imagine this would happen: A few years out of college, my oldest was in a lovely relationship with a young woman who really helped him to open up more emotionally. And one time during a visit, my son told me he and his girlfriend had been talking about that book, "Love You Forever," and in particular how near the end of the book, the grown son takes his mother into his lap and rocks her back and forth. And he said he wanted to rock me! And so I sat in his lap and he rocked me back and forth, back and forth!

You just never know what little seeds are going to grow in what ways...
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