Reply to Husband's Parents very Clearly Love one Drandson, but not the Other

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]All the grandparents I know are very similar to yours. Sadly, but in my experience it is true. Your younger DS didn't do anything wrong, cutting off grandparents would punish him, not just them. And to be pragmatic, is your DH in line to inherit quite a bit of money in the future? So, make sure your older understands they suck in how they treat him. It isn't fair, and you don't allow it in your presence and you don't expose him to them, but don't punish the younger one. I do the same with my kids. FIL is a chauvinist pig and just about hates all his granddaughters, including my teen DD. I limit contact to a minimum, heck less than a minimum. I make sure she know what he is doing is not fair, not nice and just mean and rude, and she does, she is 16. He even asked me the other day why she never calls him?! That is a tactic to blame her for his unacceptable behavior. I plain told him she know you don't care one fig about her, so why should she? Other granddaughters also avoid him. Grandsons are now realizing what a nasty bigot grandpa is. It all levels out somehow. Sadly my mom is the same, grandson, grandson. She does compensate to my DD by buying her million things, though. My dad is the only one who adores my DD and sadly he has severe dementia now, but he still calls her his princess. So, limit as much as possible, but find a way not to punish your younger son. What I am trying to say in my long not so summed up post, is that this is sadly how I've seen in in most families.[/quote]

That's really sad.  My paternal grandmother was like this to my brother, but my mom (with my dad backing her up), told her quite clearly to knock it off or she wouldn't be seeing any of her grandkids.  And my grandmother did.  My mom's parents, on the other hand, were amazing--they loved all their grandkids, and were happiest when they were surrounded by all their "chicks," as my grandpa called us.  Everyone got the chance to spend time with them, and grandma remembered everyone's favorite meals.

And what do you do when the grandparents leave money to the younger son, but not the elder?  Permitting that favoritism could drive a wedge between the brothers, which is more damaging than the loss of any inheritance. [/quote]

Yes, it is sad. My own maternal grandpa loved us all pretty equally, 6 grandkids. I adored him, but my mom's dad was also a cheater and a sexist, yet he also liked grandkids equally, in a detached born after WWI way.. and you would think that would make her better understand how damaging this is to her granddaughter... but no, she is as sexist as FIL. I am happy to hear though that this is not the norm, even if ti is our reality. I fought it all at first, but with my mom at least I always just plain tell her off, with FIL his kids decided to ignore and avoid. Funny about FIL is that he hates his dad for pretty much the same reasons, his dad adored my DH(first grandson) and was hard on younger son. FIL cut his dad off completely because of that. How is that for irony?[/quote]

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