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[quote=Anonymous]OP, you are not alone.  I think I counted at least ten other PPs who agreed they are in a similar situation, with a raging man- child.  I too know someone like this.

It is extremely difficult to live with, and it is definitely abusive.  Men like this rage to get their way (manipulation), and do not consider anyone's else's feelings (narcissistic).

I like the idea of recording his behavior.  The guy I know who does this would never, ever rage in public, he is too aware of being "perfect", as a public persona.  He is from a military family, and "image" is everything, even if he has to make his wife the "bad guy". Of course it affects the children!  Children have to learn how to communicate in a functional household; not turn into another wo/man-child, like their father.

It is not about sex, or working out, or jobs, in the case I mention.  It is about how the man-child grew up (or didn't grow), and what their birth family is like, how they functioned (or failed to function) growing up.

There are a lot of issues that factor into this:  was there a parent that was not usually home (other than normal 8-10 hour work days, of course)?  How did the parents act when they were together (did they talk at all)?  Was one parent constantly and very easily overwhelmed/anxiety ridden?  Were the children left to fend for themselves, with disastrous results?  If one parent was checked out almost completely, and one parent was literally always traveling (by choice), there is no way that the children properly learned communication, they really only learned ganging up and being ganged up on. The only way for them to get the checked out parent's attention (the only parent they had, for months and sometimes years at a time) was to rage; which was learned from the other siblings.  Possibly also learned from the easily overwhelmed parent. Rage, in their household, was communication.  If it seems extremely unhealthy and backward, it is.

Anyway, thought I would share an experience I am close to.  You are not alone, OP.  It is impossible to live with, because it is not caused by you - it is literally an internal war that the rager has inside their own head, and it is how they were conditioned.  You can see the same dynamics when the birth family gets together for holidays, whatever. It is bad.

It is easy for outsiders to point fingers, because they can not imagine a grown man acting so juvenile, hair trigger and violent.  It is almost impossible to know what the triggers are, it could be anything. You would be shocked to know that the most "perfect" looking man I know (on the outside) is impossible to live with, rages often, and he has the most patient, kind, warm, loving, self sufficient spouse.  She tries to remove the children and talk them through it, but it is as challenging as you would expect.

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