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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]As a guy who occasionally has the same issues, here are some thoughts.  First, it is most likely stress related.  The fact that it comes and goes, and is more likely the longer he spends with your child, suggests that he has a certain tolerance level and when he passes that, he lashes out.  When a child arrives into a household, it increases the stress.  First the sleepless nights.  Then the fact that children are relentless and need full-time attention for several years.  You don't get a break from parenting and the stress builds.  You need to find a way to vent that stress or it will burn you out.  He may be in a burn-out and just trying to get by.  He may need some way to recharge.  First, you need to find some time when he is not stressed and calm, probably early in the day, like on a weekend, when you can get his buy-in.  If he doesn't agree he has a problem and wants to change, you won't be able to get him to do it.

Some of the things that are issues can solutions:
- Probably most important, is he getting enough sleep?  I find that when I am short on sleep, I am the most likely to have problems.
- Does he have a blood sugar issue?  I have this problem, that when my blood sugar drops, I get cranky fast.  So, making sure that I have snacks that are small, but with sugar or carbs available between meals that I can take and increase the blood sugar until the next meal works.  Alternatively, a couple ounces of juice can do it for me too.
- Sex.  Once you have a child, most couples need to make time to have sex.  The child demands all the time you can give to it and too often the parents sacrifice themselves or the things that they need to provide for the child or to address the child's neediness.  Make time to have sex regularly.
- Child-free time.  When was the last time you each had child-free time?  You need to plan child-free time regularly for each of you.  Take some time regularly to give each other an evening or a weekend morning to have some stress outlet that does not involve the children.  I usually get one night out for an activity I have been doing for 30 years.  I try to take the kids shopping with me on Saturday or Sunday afternoon to give my wife a few hours of child-free time.
- Vacation.  When was the last time he had a vacation?  How about you?  And when on vacation, did you plan things that were relaxing for the parents, or did you only focus on activities and interests for the kids?  Do you have family that can watch your son for a weekend so you can have a getaway for just the two of you?  If not, can you plan two weekends, one for him to get away and one for you to  get away?

Stress is like steam building up in a bottle.  It may be fine until it reaches its popping point and then will blow.  This is happening to your husband.  You (plural) need to help him find what is the stressor that is most likely to address his needs and provide that outlet for the stress.[/quote]

I give you points for self awareness but let's subtract points for lack of awareness of your wife's feelings and the effects of your problem - how do your temper explosions affect her stress level??  I guarantee you are like child #2 that she is dealing with.  My DH has the same issue with rage and temper, maybe more extreme.  He is a ticking time bomb that I have to continuously cater to, does that sound like your wife?  It's draining.  Making sure he eats, feels happy, rests.

I am the one who always got up in the night with the kids, stayed up all night when they were sick, dealt with homework, feeding, bathing, cleaning - I did it all AND had to deal with an explosive husband.  I got tired of using sex as a tranquilizer. It has worn me out emotionally.  I also get tired of fetching food and asking him to eat so he wouldn't be hangry.  I grew weary of being a cheerleader to offset his dark moods and tired of being his psychotherapist who talks him off the ledge when he loses his temp and starts breaking things.

If you don't get a grip on yourself and your anger and stop being a burden to your wife it will ruin your sex life and then marriage eventually.  There is no way to undo the damage you are doing to your family.[/quote]

This is OP.  I can deeply relate to everything you are saying, and you put it so well.  My husband definitely feels like my second child, and is a ticking time bomb.  You never know which mood you'll get, and it is exhausting having to try to assess his mood before approaching him.  He is the type of person that if you don't hear him twice, you better just pretend you heard, because if you ask him to repeat himself a third time you will get your head bitten off.  I too am tired of using "sex as a tranquilizer" and it is hard for me to feel emotionally (and therefore physically) close to someone who has been moping around all night and snapping at me.  I am emotionally exhausted by the sheer work of him.  I wish I had been more clear-eyed when I met him when I was 22, but I grew up in an abusive household and unfortunately his bouts of rigidity and moodiness didn't raise red flags for me.  [/quote]

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