Reply to Husband overseas/deployed- my role with inlaws?

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[quote=Anonymous]My dad was military and he fought in two wars.  He was gone more than he was here.  My mom basically raised the 4 of us by herself.  She didn't have FaceTime or anything like that.  She called her in-laws once a week and she typed a long letter to them twice a week.

In return, they called once a week, too.  They sent letters.  They also sent a TON of care packages.  They were much further away than your in-laws but they came to see us at least 2x a year and they would tell us kids that it was just to "spell your momma" for a bit.  They stayed in a hotel because military housing is tiny but they would have slept on the floor in the living room if they needed to.

Frankly, they and my mom didn't get along really great but they were there for her when she needed them because she let them know that she needed them.  I think that if you want contact then you need to reach out and ask for it.  Your in-laws probably don't want to intrude because they're afraid that you will blast them for encroaching into your boundaries.  Maybe not but maybe so.

You're right that it is awkward to put a 2 year old on the phone or to FaceTime.  But she can sit on your lap while you FaceTime or be running around in the background.  If that feels too intrusive, then just pick up the phone and call.  Until you start being regular about it, you might want the first words out of your mouth to be "don't worry, everything is fine, but I'm just calling to say "hi".  Then have 2-3 little stories about your little one or your husband and hang up.  Wait a few days or a week, and repeat.  If your child draws a pretty picture, put it in an envelope and mail it to them.  The more you reach out to them, the more they may want to reach out to you.  Maybe even ask if they want to come for lunch on a Sunday.

I think if you start to build the bridge, pretty soon they'll be helping you.  As I was growing up I know my mom always remarked that it was her initiative that kept my dad's parents in touch and involved.  She could barely get him to write letters to us, let alone his folks.  So if you want them involved then you may need to take the first steps.  Just remember that you all are going to have to work it out and there will be some mistakes.  Be ready for that and go with the flow.

Good luck![/quote]

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