Reply to Feeling Paralyzed with Financial Decisions

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I know this board is ultraconservative, but I need some financial feedback.  DH and I currently have an HHI of $400 a year.  We have a high mortgage for which we have a $4500/month PITI.  We live close in to DC, where we both work and the commute is good.  We have two kids who will start school in two years. We are doing fine on this income and contribute fully to retirement, 529s, etc., and spend a lot on extras (cleaning service, lawn service, etc.).  We have two kids and childcare is $1600/month.

But I just can't do this anymore.  I'm the primary earner and literally every day I feel like I'm going to have a heart attack I'm so stressed out at work.  An opportunity has come up for me to take a government position, but I would earn no more than $160k, which would cut our HHI to $240k - almost in half.  I tell DH every day that I can't do this job anymore, and he just shrugs and says that I should go ahead and quit and take the lower paying job and that we would be fine and would just "cut back" spending, or else move.  When I run the numbers I don't know how we could pay that mortgage.  But when I look at real estate and interest rates, there is nothing that seems workable with a reasonable commute and good public schools where we could spend less.  We would be going to a 3.5% mortgage to a 4.6% mortgage, and would have far less buying power, and would probably have to live over an hour away, and then would lose our current low-cost childcare (nearby family members).

Has anyone ever been in a similar situation and have any words of advice? [/quote]
I

1.[b] What does your DH do?  80k seems low for this area. [/b] He should be looking at ways to increase his income if you are so stressed at work you feel like you're going to have a heart attack.
2. The previous PP's idea of setting a date seems like a good one.  The ideal date for you seems to be when the kids start school.  In the mean time, your DH is the new cleaning service, lawn service, etc.  Front load your kids' 529's with the savings -- you can put more in now to benefit from compound interest and you won't have to put as much in when your income goes down.  And agree with PP that you're only options are not "kill yourself for $320k or go to goverment for $160k."  You have 2 years to network and plan a path toward a job in the $200-250k range that won't kill you by 50. 
3. $4500/month is really steep, but if you wait to move to another job until the kids are in school, you lose $1600/month in childcare costs.  If you have a huge cash buffer saved up and have frontloaded the 529's you can direct that money toward the mortgage.  It might be doable (I would hate it, but your current situation is not sustainable).  And you can always move.  Your health is more important than any particular house/neighborhood/school system.[/quote]

Good god this is privileged! They have two small kids, so assume DH is under 40. What could his profession be for the low low salary of $80K? Oh, I don't know: teacher, professor, basically anything at a non-profit, state government employee, architect, social worker, technical writer, scientist, basically anything?[/quote]

Bit dramatic of a reaction, tbh.  She's making 4x his salary.  It's not insane to expect him to try to step it up if it's taking a toll on her health and well-being to keep their family in their house.  [/quote]

+1, and privileged has my vote for the most annoying epithet of 2018.  [/quote]

I think some PPs seem to be missing the point, which is what if DH can't make more? Say he's a teacher. What exactly do you want him to do?? Thinking anyone can just go out and make 6 figures because their spouse makes more or lots of people you know make more is naive as best, dumb at worst, and definitely privileged. Sorry you dislike the "'most annoying epithet of 2018."[/quote]

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