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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You can understand addiction and its causes, not judge people for having one AND still not financially support them. Folks here are equating anything less than condemnation as meaning one is an enabler who wants to financially support the SIL.

OP is really angry and resentful. It’s unhealthy for her. Clearly it’s impacting her marriage as she and her husband struggle with this.  If she can figure out a way to not judge the SIL and better understand why the addiction happens, she may feel less anger. It will not mean she is an enabler. It will not mean she should start giving financial support.

Maybe something like an Al-Anon group might help. I believe they’re for families who have addicts. OP and her husband could go. Then maybe other family members might go and realize they can’t keep enabling the sister. [/quote]

+1. A cousin of mine had mental health issues from a young age, started running away at age 12, disappeared for a while at 18, and showed up a few years later pregnant and addicted to cocaine. Becoming a mother finally helped her kick the habit but of course the drugs messed up her kid pretty good. Watching my aunt and uncle deal with it, and the effects on their family (3 other children), was tough. I have a lot of sympathy for situations like this. That does not mean giving money, however, unless it's to something productive like a treatment center.

That said, I don't see why it's so hard to subsidize the cost of the occasional meal out. Are you eating at super high end places? You can't contribute $15 for dinner once a month in the spirit of being nice? A little generosity of spirit and compassion wouldn't go amiss, it sounds like. Not everything has to be tallied to the exact number. We do this for a friend who is a special ed teacher and makes very little money. Yeah, we could take the view that if she doesn't earn enough to eat out at the places we like, she just can't join us. But we would rather be a bit generous and enjoy her company.[/quote]

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