Reply to Relocation and Custody

Forum Index » Parenting -- Special Concerns

Reply to "Relocation and Custody"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][b]I think you should offer since you are the one moving to fly her back to dad 6 times a year. She should go back for spring break, winter break, the summer and a few weekends so that there is never more than 6-8 weeks without seeing dad and her siblings in his home.[/b]

Moving your child far away at that age makes maintaining a relationship difficult. Often since all the teen's activities and friends are where they are living, every trip to the other parent means that have to miss events, leave their friends, miss extra curricular and that can make ten resentful of te away parent who wants to see them. It also means the away parent can't be involved in the day to day that helps keep communication open during teen years. Talks in the car on te way to or from something, being there at tournaments or other events, knowing their friends.

Overall it is just a bad situation for the teen and parent left behind.

[/quote]

You have this backwards.

MOM is moving for stepdad's assignment.

Daughter stays with DAD for the school year and flies to see mom over breaks, not the other way around.

The military person is stepdad. The kid was not born into the military lifestyle. It is unfair to thrust her into this during her teen years especially for a step parent.

I am a military spouse and I think OPs daughter should not PCS along with OP.  It is just too disruptive to do this to a teenager (unless it is someplace fabulous like Italy or Japan).[/quote]

Not OP.  But poster said she had children (teenagers siblings) involved who have to move in order to have ongoing contact with their actual father.  If mother doesn't move, she deprives those children of their right to be with their father.  If they go with dad, they are deprived of their right to be with their mother.  How is that fair for them?

Essentially, there are three choices in this scenario.  One, stay in this location forever with absolutely no recognition of the fact that life changes and we all have to adapt.  Not super reasonable. Also, this choice may cost money since BAH declines and potential child care benefits are lost depending on how that has been structured.  Two, move and leave teenager here.  What if she wants to go?  Have you seen a teenager who has been forced to accept a reality they don't want?  It doesn't go well.  Three, move and daughter goes with as she wants to do and everyone makes the best of what seems to be a no win situation.

- signed divorced and remarried military mom.

[/quote]

I don't think you are correct.

OP is divorced from main daughter's dad.

Daughter's dad is remarried with kids and will stay in DC with stepmom and their kids. (Step siblings to daughter)

OP is married to a military guy who is PCSing. OP and stepdad have kids (step siblings to daughter). OP and new kids will PCS with military husband.

Both OP and dad are involved in daughter's life here in DC.

OP wants daughter to move when they PCS to a new base 1000 miles away (so some place like Kansas).

OPs ex husband wants daughter to stay with him here in DC (assuming school year in DC where she already attends, vacations with mom at new base).

Mother is not planning on staying in DC. She and her new kids are moving.

OP wants daughter to move too. Daughter's dad wants her to stay put.

Base on OPs idea that daughter should now see a counselor or 3rd party to make sure she really wants to live where daughter says she wants to live, I suspect daughter wants to stay too and not follow step dads PCS.[/quote]

Not sure about this one.  Op said daughter has said she wants to go but wants to engage a counselor as she does not think daughter is thinking it through.

She doesn’t say she wants to engage a third party to support her decision that daughter should go irrespective of what daughter wants.

I think a counselor is a good idea. Better than court, at any rate.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics