Reply to Husband feels our children's pain so intensely

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think people are wrong to describe this as “empathy.” Empathy is understanding the feelings of others. This is elevating your own feelings over those of others and making everything all about your feelings. It’s basically ignoring the other peoples’ feelings and needs because you’re so caught up in your own.

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This is OP.  This is an interesting comment.  I’m not sure it rings true though.  He doesn’t share how he’s feeling with our kids.  He would probably worry that his feeling badly might cause them to feel badly.  He does try to help the kids with whatever they are going through or whatever he’s worried they might feel.  The kids don’t know he’s upset, but I know him very well.  For example, he’ll ask me 100 times after a bb game, “ do you think larlo’s Ok” but not in front of DS.  Or, I can see how anxious he is before the game bc he’s worrying it will go poorly for DS.  Yet, I wouldn’t describe him as generally empathetic either bc he’s not overly bothered if I or other people he cares about has a problem.[/quote]

They can tell. Kids are highly attuned to the moods of their parents. They may not be able to put their finger on it exactly, but they can absolutely tell. Asking if Larlo is okay 100 times after a youth basketball game is a sign of likely anxiety and mental distress, and it is not a positive thing. He needs to see a therapist and/or a psychiatrist and work on getting his anxiety under control. You don't want your kids hiding their activities from your DH when they get to be older so that they avoid distressing him. He needs to get this under control before they become teenagers.[/quote]

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