Reply to How did you come to terms with secondary infertility/having an only child?

Forum Index » Infertility Support and Discussion

Reply to "How did you come to terms with secondary infertility/having an only child? "

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]This post is not regarding the OP but the inevitable tangent such posts take.

1. Pain is pain. Therefore pain is valid, even when another's pain may be ostensibly "worst" or have lasted longer.

2. primary v. secondary infertility are the same in that the deepest desire that most people will feel, that of having a child, is not being realized  at that moment. for a woman wanting to carry the child, the loss may be compounded by the inability to be pregnant. the desire to be pregnant, apart from having a child, is also a very intense desire that many women experience.

3. the key difference IMO is not the pain. but rather the social aspect. as a mother of one, you are not excluded from mother's day. when another person, even a stranger at target asks casually if you have a child you can respond in the affirmative. you are not on the outside looking in on the "mommy's club". playdates, summer days in the park, and even the complaining of motherhood is something to which you can relate. relationships w/ other friends change when you are the only couple without a child. i don't think folks are excluded if they have one child vs. more children from any other above experiences.  i know people are asked "when will you have another" and this is more intense when the asking is from your child. however, the social stigma associated with childlessness is a knife that punctures the soul of a childless couple that having even one child minimizes significantly.

4. I am not saying that it isn't hard to empathetic but it is important not to minimize another's pain. for example, I can understand the pain, in theory, of seconday infertility. i think may want at least 2 kids. i think for me those who discuss their secondary infertility in relation to having a 3rd or 4th child is where i struggle. so, i am preaching this post to myself. 
[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics