Reply to Is it OK to tell DD that it is OK not to be pretty?

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Reply to "Is it OK to tell DD that it is OK not to be pretty?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have always told my daughter she's beautiful, and I always will.  I would never, ever tell a child she (or he) wasn't beautiful in every way.  Whether or not that child was average, unattractive, or truly exquisite.

Of course, we tell our kids they're smart, kind, funny, interesting, etc.  But for a child to think their parents don't find them beautiful is soul-crushing.  That's just the way it is.

My mom put it this way:  if you tell a child, especially a girl, that she's pretty and looks wonderful, then she can put that worry out of her mind and concentrate on the important stuff, like school.  I think this is absolutely true.  When my daughter feels pretty and looks the way she wants to look, I find she's much more able to forget about it, stop worrying, and get on with other things.  Whereas if she was constantly seeking approval and feeling insecure about her looks, she'd always be focused on that and not her classes, hobbies, etc.

I remember when I was first getting to know my MIL.  I like her a lot and get along with her great, but noticed that she never gives out compliments.  Even on our wedding day, she never told me I looked beautiful.  And she and my FIL have never told our daughter that she's pretty.  I've finally come to terms with the fact that they just don't do that - they're very kind in all ways, but they aren't particularly demonstrative.  I think if I had grown up with them as my parents, I would feel very insecure, not knowing if I was attractive or not.  Let's face it, all children, girls especially, want to be pretty/handsome.  No one wants to think they're ugly.

My mom has always told me I was beautiful, and consequently, I always felt very secure in that department.  It's simply a loving thing to do.

Exactly this.  I look at my 12 year old daughter when I pick her up from school, sun coming through the windshield,  I think of the moment I first saw her, and she looks so beautiful to me I could cry.  And then, I tell her that.

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