Reply to Tell me how to tell my MIL she’s delusional without hurting her feelings

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. Thanks for the advice and suggestions.

I realize that "delusional" is a strong word choice and used it with a hint of sarcasm. While she may be joking, I interpreted her suggestion as berserk for a few reasons. The biggest are that we've never been away from our child longer than a day and that have a spot in a great preschool we're not willing to give up.

Likewise, my reaction stems from my MIL's history of pushing boundaries and making suggestions that make total sense for her without considering what it would mean for us. Some of her other ideas:

- DH and I would find new jobs near her (in a place where no comparable or well-paying jobs currently exist for DH)
- we'd move to her city, where I would get pregnant with another child and work to support the family if DH's job search stalled

She's a great grandmother, but some of her ideas/suggestions just seem presumptuous or desperate to me. DH has even said in the past that his mom is "crazy." Oh well. Thanks for letting me vent.
 
[/quote]

It's pretty clear that your MIL is just a very egocentric person.  She makes suggestions that would be helpful for her to get her ideal world--one in which her son and grandchildren live close to her and she could see them as often as she wants.  She's so focused on this that she doesn't see how insensitive or unrealistic her suggestions are.

So, your husband needs to talk to his mother, gently, about her expectations.  Due to her state of mind, it can't be one conversation and done, that won't work.  He needs to constantly remind her that your work is "here" (wherever you live) and that you as a family are not moving closer and that you'll visit when you can, but that if she wants to see the grandkids more, she'll need to plan some trips out to see you.

As for her suggestion of having Larla come and stay with her for a few months, let your husband tell her that you aren't ready for Larla to be away from the two of you for that amount of time and that if she can't come and help out at your place, then you'll make other arrangements and she can visit with Larla sometime after the wedding.

FYI, there is really no way for you to convince her that her dream world is not going to happen and there is no point being rude to her to try and forestall additional unreasonable suggestions.  She won't take it from you and you'll only damage your family relationship with her if you try.  You need to get your husband to talk to his mother.  If she can be convinced, it will be by her son, not from his wife.[/quote]

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