Reply to Husband flipped out on me this morning

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I do agree that him yelling was not appropriate and he needs to find another way to handle stress with his spouse.

That said, here is a little insight into why you were out of line.  In the US, there is a problem with non-citizens being treated differently.  If you are viewed as "not American" there are many times that you are treated differently.  Now, those of us who live in major metropolitan areas see much less of this, but it still exists.  I'm a native born American, but since I'm of Asian descent, I still occasionally get the "foreigner" treatment.  My Caucasian wife always doubted this, but then a few years after we got married, we started traveling to a couple of more conservative places and she was astonished by the reception.  While the majority of it has been good natured and non-insulting, there are still a handful of times that I'm treated like I don't speak English well or that I am treated with less respect.  I've had places where people were not served first come first served and I got to stand around until such time as the bigoted person decided to finally serve the one non-white person in the room.  Now, there has always been a small problem with this (I'm in my 50's so I've seen a fair amount of this over my life), but since the start of the recent administration, the problems have increased.  There is a xenophobic trend that has grown significantly because this administration has made such xenophobia more mainstream and acceptable.

Your husband may want to downplay his citizenship because any talk about it tends to note that his citizenship is "new" as in, he wasn't a citizen before.  The current atmosphere is not only that non-citizens are bad or a problem, but also recent citizens are not much better.  If you husband is exposed to people like this where he works, he may not want your friend to know and/or talk about his former non-citizen status because it may only inflame those who are xenophobic into treating him differently.  And while we like to believe that there aren't people like this in our area, there are still quite a few (I've lived in the Washington DC metro area for 26 years now and believe me there are still noticeable pockets of this sentiment around).  If you husband is not white, or has an accent, then the problem becomes even bigger.  The number of people that speak derogatorily about those with a foreign accent is significantly large.

So, I believe that unless he is white and sounds like he has an American accent, that highlighting his change in status is definitely not a good idea unless you know the entire audience of those who will hear and those who they may mention it to and know that they are safe.  The fact that you would mention this to a co-worker of his, and one who may talk to other co-workers of his without telling him was not a smart move.[/quote]

Op here. My husband has an accent. There's no way he's hoping Americans will think he's American born. I'm sorry about your experience but this is very dramatic. My husband is proud of his background. [/quote]

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