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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous] I learned not to bring stuff up with him ... all he ever did was get defensive and then want to rehash the fight days later when I was done with it. He snaps at me and I don't like that. [/quote]

His snapping at you obviously isn't good, but the part where you want to be done with it after he's had time to think about it seems a little unfair. You've probably had time to think about the problem before you say anything. He probably gets defensive because he's not ready to deal with it immediately. [/quote]

That's probably a fair assessment. I'll keep that in mind.[/quote]

DPP.   It sounds like he needs a few days to think about the problem, come to terms with what happened, analyze who did what, he said, she said, and come up with ideas for how to discuss and address the issues.  Whereas you would like to discuss things in a much shorter time frame.  He feels that you are rushing him into discussing something he's not ready to discuss yet and you feel the way you describe.  Both of you come out of it feeling unsatisfied.

You (together) need to work on the dynamic when you are not fighting so that you can effectively discuss fights and not only figure out how to decrease the number, but also to discuss the actual fights that occur and come to some closure for each of you.  Right now, your process has it so that both of you end up frustrated and not resolving anything.  That can bottle up over time and at some point in the future, that long held frustration is going to come out of one of you and that one will say something that may not be easily forgiven and that they may regret.

So, when you are not fighting, talk about how you handle these fights.  If, as I surmise, the issue is timing then you have to discuss how to come to a compromise about how long to take to rehash the problem so that you don't feel completely forgotten and he has time to process.[/quote]

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