Reply to 13 birthday party drama

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Thank you kind moms for the perspectives. Yes, this is bullying, as I was able to observe on text messages and snapchat. It is the reason I have removed snapchat from DD's phone, even though she's perfectly capable of removing regular messages as well. Still, she does not, perhaps to invite the discussion.

I define bullying by actively organizing to remove this kid from their group, advocating with new members of the group to avoid her, checking in with my child to make sure she does avoid her, using expletives whenever this girl's name is mentioned. I am not sure what they do to her in person, at school.

Removing my child from this group is tough, because they are in the same class at school, so they see each other every day. Things can also turn against my kid (as they had, in the past), and she would not be able to handle that outcome nearly as gracefully as her friend has. This is the one "fun" class DD has in 7th grade, which explains their influence. I talked to the friend's mom and the effects on her kid are profound.

So inviting everyone to great big party seems to be out of the question -- the nastiness is too advanced for that to happen. I also do not want to reward bad behavior by proceeding with the party as planned, without this kid. I'll have a chat with DD and figure out alternative options, as many have pointed out. I have also reached out to the school at this point, because we will need their support in addressing the issue, at least help separating the parties involved and support the girl who is getting bullied.

Thank you again for the sane perspective.[/quote]

1. You can remove the text function from her phone, shut it off 
2. Cancel the party, this sounds like a mess in the making. Do something smaller, family focused this year.[/quote]

Don't cancel the party.  It seems like your DD likes the girl and just doesn't want to upset the other two girls.  Don't punish your DD if she hasn't been taking part in the bullying.  Talk to her about solutions/alternatives that don't further the bullying.  [/quote]

I disagree.  I think your daughter needs to know that if there is no way to have the party without making her complicit in the bullying, then the party can't happen now.  You can find other special things to do to celebrate, but you as a mom should not model an acceptance of bullying by spending money on a day when your daughter is complicit.

Your daughter is complicit, even if she is acting from fear or weakness.

You can always have an "end of school party" if things resolve by then.[/quote]

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