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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Thank you kind moms for the perspectives. Yes, this is bullying, as I was able to observe on text messages and snapchat. It is the reason I have removed snapchat from DD's phone, even though she's perfectly capable of removing regular messages as well. Still, she does not, perhaps to invite the discussion.

I define bullying by[b] actively organizing to remove this kid from their group, advocating with new members of the group to avoid her, checking in with my child to make sure she does avoid her[/b], using expletives whenever this girl's name is mentioned. I am not sure what they do to her in person, at school.

Removing my child from this group is tough, because they are in the same class at school, so they see each other every day. Things can also turn against my kid (as they had, in the past), and she would not be able to handle that outcome nearly as gracefully as her friend has. This is the one "fun" class DD has in 7th grade, which explains their influence. I talked to the friend's mom and the effects on her kid are profound.

So inviting everyone to great big party seems to be out of the question -- the nastiness is too advanced for that to happen. I also do not want to reward bad behavior by proceeding with the party as planned, without this kid. I'll have a chat with DD and figure out alternative options, as many have pointed out. I have also reached out to the school at this point, because we will need their support in addressing the issue, at least help separating the parties involved and support the girl who is getting bullied.

Thank you again for the sane perspective.[/quote]

Yeah, this is well beyond just not liking the girl.  Organizing the group to make sure she is excluded is not okay--it's fine if they don't like her, but it's way over the line to try to make sure that other people don't spend time with her, either.  Absolutely no way would those girls be invited to any party I was hosting.

I would suggest to your daughter that she invite this girl on a fun outing for her birthday, and perhaps include one or two other girls who are not among the bullies.

I'd also be addressing the larger issue, as well, and helping your daughter see the harm she does when she goes along with mean girls rather than stand up for a friend.  I'm sure she fears retaliation, but that is precisely the reason she should not be friends with these girls.  [/quote]

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