Reply to Is this passive aggressive or am I being super grouchy and sensitive?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Is this passive aggressive or am I being super grouchy and sensitive?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]17:40 again. The core issue isn't that he's frugal. It's that he doesn't respect your decision making -- he doesn't respect YOU. Really consider if this is a relationship you can maintain.[/quote]

This, this, this. You lost 70 pounds on that treadmill and he still questions whether you should have bought it? That's not someone who cares about your health. Your son needs therapy, the therapy has been productive, and he still questions whether you should spend money on it? That's not someone who cares about your child's well-being.

I would think very hard about whether this is someone you want to marry. If he doesn't care about your well-being or your son's already, he's not going to start after you get married.

[/quote]

I know it will sound like I’m defending him but he also had a major injury at work last year and didn’t really get it treated because of money.  He had the money.  He just felt it was ridiculous to spend $40 on a coppay for PT. So he obviously loves himself and still doesn’t treat his medical issues.  This is a matter of money being security for him and him not seeing that living costs money.  I don’t think it is a matter of him not loving us.  [/quote]

Then he needs to get some counseling for himself, because that's unhealthy. An untreated injury that doesn't heal properly can become a life-long issue that burdens not just him but those around him as well. Loving himself and you would mean getting the treatment he needs. If he can't bring himself to spend money he has to take proper care of himself, he's not an emotionally healthy person.

And if he doesn't get that, your relationship issues will never be resolved. Even with separate finances, you will fight about money. It will be about where you live, what kinds of vacations you take, how much of an emergency fund you keep, who pays which bills (down to if you need high-speed internet for work and he'd be fine with the slowest/cheapest option, what's your relative share of the bill when he doesn't want to pay for your extra speed), what your retirement funds look like, etc. Even if your son's clothing comes from your bank account, he will be critical of how much you spend because he'll know that spending less would mean you two would collectively have more for something else. [/quote]

This is really my main worry.  One of the biggest fights we ever had was when he called me to ask me to reconsider going to my home country a few years ago.  I only go every 5-7 years and my then 7 year old has never been.  This was a vacation but it was also meeting family and going home. He suggested that we all just go to Dominican instead because it was cheaper.  To this day he doesn’t understand how incensitive that was on every possible level.  I paid for all of it myself and never asked him to help me with a single thing (I make a lot more than he does).  But this was very important to me because my son was going to meet his great grandmother and family he hasn’t met yet. [/quote]

I'm a new poster.  This one pushed me over the edge.  Maybe because I'm from another country myself.  My DH is a born-and-raised American, former military, red/white/blue.  But as soon as we got engaged, he started learning my native language.  He didn't complain about the cost of private school tuition for my son, in that language and in the education of my country.  When we had another child, he was sent to that school.  He doesn't mind vacations back home.  He's now (17 yrs later) still not totally fluent, but speaks it well enough--we can watch TV in it, etc.  When you marry someone from another country and culture, this is what happens.  I speak fluent English, travel all over the US, understand American pop culture, support the country, all of that.  It's not just because I live here, it's because it's my husband's country of birth and we support each other. Does this make sense to you?

It's part of the bigger issue I see in your posts, that he questions and doesn't support therapy for your son, etc.  I wonder about that too.  He can be a great colleague, friend, son, brother, but still be a terrible husband to you because you have different goals and beliefs. I really worry about him as your son's stepfather--that doesn't sound like it's even on the radar.  How old is your son?  It only gets harder as they get older.

Please reconsider marrying him, or at the very least, do some serious in depth counseling.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics