Reply to Is this passive aggressive or am I being super grouchy and sensitive?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]17:40 again. The core issue isn't that he's frugal. It's that he doesn't respect your decision making -- he doesn't respect YOU. Really consider if this is a relationship you can maintain.[/quote]

This, this, this. You lost 70 pounds on that treadmill and he still questions whether you should have bought it? That's not someone who cares about your health. Your son needs therapy, the therapy has been productive, and he still questions whether you should spend money on it? That's not someone who cares about your child's well-being.

I would think very hard about whether this is someone you want to marry. If he doesn't care about your well-being or your son's already, he's not going to start after you get married.

[/quote]

I know it will sound like I’m defending him but he also had a major injury at work last year and didn’t really get it treated because of money.  He had the money.  He just felt it was ridiculous to spend $40 on a coppay for PT. So he obviously loves himself and still doesn’t treat his medical issues.  This is a matter of money being security for him and him not seeing that living costs money.  I don’t think it is a matter of him not loving us.  [/quote]

Then he needs to get some counseling for himself, because that's unhealthy. An untreated injury that doesn't heal properly can become a life-long issue that burdens not just him but those around him as well. Loving himself and you would mean getting the treatment he needs. If he can't bring himself to spend money he has to take proper care of himself, he's not an emotionally healthy person.

And if he doesn't get that, your relationship issues will never be resolved. Even with separate finances, you will fight about money. It will be about where you live, what kinds of vacations you take, how much of an emergency fund you keep, who pays which bills (down to if you need high-speed internet for work and he'd be fine with the slowest/cheapest option, what's your relative share of the bill when he doesn't want to pay for your extra speed), what your retirement funds look like, etc. Even if your son's clothing comes from your bank account, he will be critical of how much you spend because he'll know that spending less would mean you two would collectively have more for something else. [/quote]

This is really my main worry.  One of the biggest fights we ever had was when he called me to ask me to reconsider going to my home country a few years ago.  I only go every 5-7 years and my then 7 year old has never been.  This was a vacation but it was also meeting family and going home. He suggested that we all just go to Dominican instead because it was cheaper.  To this day he doesn’t understand how incensitive that was on every possible level.  I paid for all of it myself and never asked him to help me with a single thing (I make a lot more than he does).  But this was very important to me because my son was going to meet his great grandmother and family he hasn’t met yet. [/quote]

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