Reply to Can you bounce back from being bad-mouthed to spouse's friends?

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Reply to "Can you bounce back from being bad-mouthed to spouse's friends?"

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, I get that you want to fix your marriage there is nothing wrong with that. However, you are married to a person who, after lying to either you or his friends for YEARS about your relationship, has suggested that YOU write letters explaining what he did wrong to HIS friends for him to sign. He will not give up his friends and will resent you if you ask him to.

Think about that. He did wrong by you. His dishonored you and disrespected your marriage, but he expects you to fix it for him. He wants to keep friends who are not speaking to him until he leaves you. He is not doing any of the work to fix the marriage. What exactly was the nature of the pleading you say he’s done?

If he wants to fix this, he needs to demonstrate to you that he does respect and honor you and your marriage. He needs to do that himself, not with your words. He had plenty of words to badmouth you to his friends for years but suddenly he doesn’t know what to say? How about, “I’ve been a shitty husband to Anne by badmouthing her to you guys for years. I have no excuses for my behavior. I love my wife and my family and am committed to them. If you cannot respect Anne and my marriage, we cannot be friends anymore”? He doesn’t want to take responsibility for being such a terrible person, and he wants you to do it for him.

Normally I do not support people making their spouse choose between the marriage and their friends if there is not something untoward going on with the friends. In this case, though, your husband has created a situation where his friends have become actively hostile to you. He married you. He needs to choose you. If he can’t do that, I don’t know what the point of your marriage is. [/quote]

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