Reply to I'm 40 and I make $20 per hour

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[quote=Anonymous]I get it.  It is hard to women, and maybe men too, to find the right balance.  A couple of things to think about:

Focus on the fact that you are bringing a smart-person’s focus and assistance to a cause/issue that you think is important.  An alternative life for you might be that you had an “important career” it might be so fulfilling or rewarding or meaningful.

Does your husband feel like he is sacrificing his time with family for work or to afford your life?  If so, maybe you both need a change and get somewhere closer to balance for all of you.  By that I mean that I think it can be hard on fathers to feel like they have all the financial pressure, just the same as it is hard on mothers to feel like they don’t have good choices (I mostly mean to have flexibility and time with kids)

What about volunteering more at your kids school, or volunteering for other worthy causes?  I think you are focusing on the money but it sounds like you might not need it.  Find the balance by focusing on the good you can do, not how much it pays (easier said than done, for sure).

If being with your kids is important to you, own it.  I quit a job that was making me miserable, in part because I felt like I didn’t have time for my kids.  I felt like a complete failure.  But I am realizing that it is better for them to now have me frustrated and yelling all the time, we enjoy more time together, and I feel like I am doing what I/we feel is important.  I don’t want other people (nanny, at pair, etc) taking my kid everywhere and doing the things I think are very parent-like.  Some of my working friends are appalled, i think some are envious.

Do you have female friends in big jobs?  Observe their lives and, If possible, talk with them about it.   But, see above, it may be a difficult conversation.

It also sounds like you’re going through something like a mid life “crisis” or maybe dealing with mild depression.  Maybe finding a good therapist to talk through your concerns and get some perspective might help?  [/quote]

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